I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
