remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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