I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize