I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
