Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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