you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
