You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
