Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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