You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
