My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
