It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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