he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
