You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
