so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
