I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
