She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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