I can text with my tongue
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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