Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think i have herpe
just one?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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