Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
