Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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