they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
