So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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