he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
