Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
