Say something about gay babies.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
