So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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