Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
