It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
