we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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