He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
