I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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