Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
