I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
