eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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