PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
