And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
