i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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