I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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