Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The air was thick with penises
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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