i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
