youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
