Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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