she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Bring me that man meat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
