Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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