so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
