we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
