just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
