I'm eating all of the evidence.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
