News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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