I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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