I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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