I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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