you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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