He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
