I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize