so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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