yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
