they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
