Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
