Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
