The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
