i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
