i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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