Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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