She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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