And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
