Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
