o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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