i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
