these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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