i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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