Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
