This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
