It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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