She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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