I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i believe in u and ur pee
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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