I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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