I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize