I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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