I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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