Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
