u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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