well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
