her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
