we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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