Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
