The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
