whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
