and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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