i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
