The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
