No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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