Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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