Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
