Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
