She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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