You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think my vagina is haunted
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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