You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
