Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
