we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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