Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
