he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
