Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
