do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
